I'll Lose Everything, Just For You
by brillantbutscary
Summary: Regulus Black's fifth year should have been wonderful, he gained his master's approval, after all, but to what cost?


**Author's note:** So this is my first story that I'm pleased with, that doesn't have a pairing! So cool!

Any way:

Prompts:

(word) endurance

(dialogue) "I don't do well with snakes."

Character:

Regulus Arcturus Black.

Enjoy!

I'm in a daze as I walk through the halls, not caring about the bustling and gossiping flow of people around me, barely listening to Barty as he talks about the last Ballycastle Bats game.

It's my first day back at school, in my fifth year. I am heading to breakfast, accompanied by a very special kind of dread. I walk into the Great Hall, its usual noise and the smell of toast greeting me.

Sauntering over to the Slytherin table, I sit with my usual companions. They talk about their holidays, their rich, happy lives. I stay silent, I don't want to tell them about _his_ departure, not again, my endurance is only so great.

I feel my my eyes drifting towards the Gryffindor table, against my will...

 _Shouting. The crashing of plates against the cold stones floor. Footstep running up the stairs. A slamming bedroom door. Loud muggle music drowning out the curses from downstairs. All of this creating a symphony of desperation and disappointment._

 _The boards creaking under the weight of a small ten year old's feet, the music getting louder as the bedroom door opens and shuts again._

 _Legs hang down from the bed, eyes staring up at the ceiling._

" _Not Slytherin?"_

" _Not Slytherin," comes the answer._

" _But our whole family-"_

" _I don't do well with snakes. Okay?"_

 _A deep sigh, and the body falls back onto the bed sheets._

" _Oh..."_

 _The smaller body hugging the bigger one, an action more gentle and sincere than any words could be._

" _Shouldn't you hate me, Reg?" The voice finally questions that makes all the difference._

" _I should...But I don't think that I can..."_

" _Thank you."_

 _A heart-breaking sob, disturbs the long, comfortable silence, followed by tears, blurring our vision, just bitter droplets of water. Nothing more, nothing less._

There he is, talking, eating, and laughing with his stupid friends, his new family...

My brother. Wait- I can't call him that any more, can I? What should I call him then? Blood traitor? Muggle lover? I know all kinds of words like those, I've used them enough, almost every pureblood has.

 _ **Forever pure,**_

 _ **Forever your,**_

 _ **Little toy,**_

 _ **Little boy.**_

I catch it, the golden ball. Soaring through the air, over the green grass and landing beside my team mates. The loud cheering and echoing boos of the students all around us deafens me.

Barty screams something in my ear and I smile at him, hoping he won't notice my mental absence.

Where is he sitting?

Is he even watching?

" _Go on, Reg! You can do it!"_

" _You're too high up, I- I'm scared..." Nervousness is slowly taking over everything else._

 _A laugh comes out of a smiling mouth. "That's the fun of it, Reg, but don't worry, I will never let anything hurt you! I promise!"_

" _What if I fall?"_

" _I will always be there to catch you!"_

" _And if I don't know how to do it?" An easily made excuse._

" _Just kick off, Reg, nothing will go wrong! I know you'll love it once you try!" Words full of encouragement, not to be ignored._

 _A small kick, and then..._

" _I'm doing it! Look, I'm really doing it! I'm flying, Sirius!"_

 _Laughter and cheering echo across the courtyard._

" _See! I knew you could do it! Didn't I tell you could do it?!"_

" _Yeah..." Two twin smiles, each reflecting the boundless joy in the other, a naive and beautiful happiness._

I smile at the crowd, my face splitting in a false grin of triumph.

It was an easy win, I'm not proud of it. Why should I be? But I needed the match to end quickly. I need to be alone. I need to think.

 _ **Pull me up on silver strings,**_

 _ **Make me sing.**_

 _ **Then let me dance,**_

 _ **And entrance.**_

I sit on the lake's bank, chucking little pebbles into its depth, absent-mindedly letting them sink to their doom.

Little ripples spread over the water, shimmering red and yellow in the evening light.

"I'm pretty sure that prefects shouldn't be out this late."

His voice shocks me out of my revelry.

"You shouldn't be out, either!" I snap. How dare he criticise me, after what he did!

"I guess not, no..." He sits down next to me on the green bank, pulling off his socks and shoes before paddling his feet in the water. Is he oblivious to how I feel? Can he really be this blind?!

I pull my knees up under my chin and stare out over with the water.

"Why did you leave?" I ask, almost hoping he'll freeze from the ice in my voice.

"Why do you think?" He answers bitterly, taking a stone from the little pile by my side and chucking it as far as he can, out into the lake.

"I really don't know..." My voice is quiet, a tint of sorrow in it. "You could have had anything as our family's heir, Sirius, anything...If only you'd stayed."

"Anything?" He lets out a bark of laughter. "Yeah, sure, anything but acceptance for my beliefs!"

"That isn't fair!" I say, angrily. "If you had just acted like a Black, for once at least..." My voice drifts off into silence.

"So you agree with them then?" He looks at me disbelievingly. "You? My own brother?"

I stand up, glaring at him furiously, my fist clenched. "I'm not your brother! Remember? Not any more! You betrayed our family! You betrayed me!" Tears spill from the corners of my eyes, I wipe them away. I will not show any weaknesses to him! He is the enemy now!

He stands up, ready to hug me, to comfort me, to tell me everything's alright. But it isn't any more, is it? I push him away.

"Reg," he says slowly, looking at me pleadingly.

"My name is Regulus, not Reg! Address me properly, blood traitor!"

"Fine, Lord Regulus Arcturus Black!" He shouts, losing his temper. "Let them treat you like a little puppet! Become the perfect pureblood heir, why don't you? Become a bloody Deatheater, too, while you're at it!" He stares at me panting. I can see regret, hidden in the depths of his eyes. He hates shouting at me, and always has. It makes me want to vomit. His love suffocates me, it's unbearable!

"You know what?" I say, not raising my voice, it quavers slightly, but soon fills with certainty. "I think I'll do just that!"

The regret vanishes from his eyes, I can almost see it happening. He doesn't see me as a brother any more. No, he sees me for what I am. What I have become. A proud member of the Black family.

"Go ahead, I honestly couldn't care less." His voice is contemptuous. He picks up his socks and shoes and walks back to the castle, not once looking back.

I let him go. Why shouldn't I? Then I slowly sink back to the ground, all my energy used up.

That's right. I want him to hate me, to loathe me, to just stay away from me! Because, if he falls, I do not want to come tumbling down with him.

I caress my still unscathed left forearm.

"I'll belong to you soon, my Lord, I swear, by all the noble ancestors, that came before me, only you..."

A smile plays upon my pink lips.

"I've left it all behind, just for you..."

I close my eyes, finally feeling at peace with myself.

 _ **I'll play the part,**_

 _ **Of a broken heart.**_

 _ **For all these years,**_

 _ **I'll be yours.**_

 **Author's note:** Well, what did you think? Tell me in a review, or PM me!

Thank you, Lexi, as always for betaing it, you wonderful being!

Hope you enjoyed it!


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